1.20.2012

Yapp-raisal

(To be sung to the tune of Jingle bells)
Appraisal time appraisal time appraisal time all this month 
Oh what fun it is to ride
On a wave of no worry...hey!


Ah! It feels stupendous to not go through the rigmarole this year. A luxury which I am being afforded for the first time in my life. No judgement on any front. We are so steeped in the culture of answerability that guilt conscience comes before self awareness for many of us. It is only very late in life that we learn that grammatically good, better and best are all relative terms. By then we are already conditioned like bulls in the San Fermin fiesta. We don't know why we are running but mostly because the others are. Maybe the bulls also like us are scared to be the only one not running and having to face an unknown consequence. Its amazing how we submit to judgement by people who are relative strangers in our lives. Its even more stupefying how we let this judgement influence our existence. Our ears jar when it hears the now famous "but you did not do anything innovative this year". Our minds race to creatively sell our work also known as self appraisal. At the end of the day we need to know our boundaries, limits and operate within our self esteem.
Honestly, I sometimes feel the lack of deadliness and pressures to perform, especially when I don't vacuum the house or when the sink is steeped with vessels for more than ten hours. Its almost a relief to realise I am the boss! I do wait for feedback on whether or not what I cooked is edible. I also feel that I will get a 1 rating every time V is brushed, bathed, schooled, lunched by 2 PM.
Appraisals are like the matrix. You can get in but never get out!
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