3.08.2006

The Blank Noise Project blogathon

I might be a little late for the blogathon which was supposed to link all the participants on 7th but does it really matter. What I want to do is support the cause.
I am a woman who has gone through harassment more than once. Even if it was mainly verbal harassment it nevertheless made me want to burrow into a hole. It is very difficult to share one's own experiences of this nature. I tell my husband, it’s the feeling of shame that engulfs us more than anger at the offender when such incidents occur. Because if it was rage then I think eve-teasing could have long been abolished. But the attitude of looking down and scurrying away is taking its toll. When I was in school and had to go through eve teasing on the roads I used to wonder if these guys were perverts. Even middle aged b*****ds indulging in it. But today when I read news about young girls 8 yrs old, 6 yrs old, 4 yrs old (God almighty!) I am not left in much doubt. It is not very easy for a girl to tell her parents about the harassment that she is subjected to in public places. It requires a lot of courage. I developed the sense to handle such situations early in my life. But again I did this because it was easier to handle it myself rather than give it unwanted publicity by telling parents. What all could I tell them? The sleazy brush in the bus, the passing of lewd comments as one passed by, groping in crowded places, glances pointedly on one's chest area? There was this handicrafts exhibition we went to once. We here being my parents and me. There I spotted a guy who was tagging along with a stream of girls. He kept one of his hands in his pocket and if one observed one could see it moving back and forth. I don’t need to explain what was happening here but it made me feel so sick that I forced my parents to get out of that place as fast as we could. Would I have had the guts to stop this guy and question him? I don’t think so. Not in front of my parents. Another sick incident was in a crowded market place. Now, market places are the breeding grounds for mentally-deranged-sleaze-balls. One of this ilk tagged on to me as soon as me and my mom got out of the bus. His modus operandi was very simple. I was walking behind my mom and he kept in step behind me. Whenever there was a people jam he would rush up against me. The first time I gave him a dirty stare he seemed to look behind him and shrug. The next time it happened he stood askance behind me and I knew. This happened many times to his credit because it was just a fifteen minute walk. The next few times I just stuck my elbow out so that the creep would encounter a sharp jab. But it dint deter him! Finally to get rid of the menace I had to tell my mom about him and get her to walk behind me. *Sick*. They don’t just stop at letching at nubile young girls. It extends to any woman who does not have any obvious signs of old age.
What is in their perverted mind? How did such crappy thoughts enter it? Did they go to the same kind of schools that we went to (eve teasing is not the domain of only the illiterates)? Do they ever feel guilty? What do they get out of jeering when they are with their friends? Of course they are sure the girl will bend her head and walk away but will not come and slap him. But seen from the girl’s side its fear. Fear of repercussions. Can she afford to confront these creeps? Would it ruin her life?
One way of getting rid of it would be to have stringent laws and conscientious law enforcement officers. Ideally I would like to give sexual harassers whether mental or physical a lifetime in prison just to set a precedent but again I am not qualified to pass judgments. We should also try to get to the root of such a personality trait. All those questions I asked before are very important. Can we study the causes and come up with Prevention is better than cure mechanism? Can we teach men to respect women beyond the body? First thing I would do in this direction, would be to decouple the association of a woman to a child bearer. Leave the womb and the breasts out of the picture. There is much more to us than just that!
Let's start a revolution on Woman's Day

4 comments:

Granny said...

Sir - you're tying in with my post of the other day about little girls and the pressure put on them.

This is an extension of the same thing - disrespect.

I'll be back to check it out further.

Are you writing about your own country or worldwide? It certainly happens here.

Unknown said...

this is more to do with lewdness rather than just disrespect.
i would say world wide grans.

Neets said...

siri- well conveyed. here is a story you would be surprised to hear: last month, a collegue of mine who stays in Electronic City(A place with lots of s/w companies in bangalore) witnessed a weird incident while waiting for a bus in the morning. A pretty and young lady in formal wear- a blazer paired with nice trousers and shirt, came to the same bus stop. She seemed educated and was drunk like a sponge. Now comes the surprising part. she started passing comments and throwing her self on a guy who was standing next to her, minding his own business. He felt so akward, when he couldnt take it any more, he changed places a couple of times till his bus arrived, to his relief.At first when I heard the story from my visibly shocked collegue, the whole incident sounded hilarious. but after a lil while i wondered of all the Anit-Harassment Laws... how would it apply in this case?
I think laws to a certain extent can perhaps curb it. but the root problem is that these men seem to lack in respect for women- which i essentially think is their mom's job to instill in them.
Then Vasu had made a point, that segregation is a factor- which i completely agree... this excessively insecure response of many parents to their children having friends of the opposite sex, is another factor. the more you stop them the more desperate these people will be . and where do they go to release all these sick desperations?- OUTSIDE.
And if it was anything to do with bosoms... then where do lil kids have? these asses see a woman in these lil kids who wouldnt even have a clue of whats happening?!!!! It is purely coinidental that day before yest, i write that post, and the next day while commin to office i had to experiance a minor situation in the morning while riding to office. Some two guys on the bike trailed me, then would ride their bike next to mine and accelerate and sing some song. i tried to calm my self and thank god that they tooka turn else where. - this was when i was wearing a 3th sleeve shirt, jeans pant and had my whole face covered -with only my eyes and spectacles showing!!!
The other thing that women can do is arm them selves for any eventuality. sorry for the long comment

Unknown said...

why do men get desperate for attention as soon as they see a girl? what is behind this trait? some of these are even married you knw...its not like its the bachelors domain either. they have wives they go back to and god knws maybe even daughters!
I liked it that you wrote such a long reply to my blog giving your view points.
I was surprised to hear that about that girl but not shocked at the behaviour. Maybe whats good for the gander is good for the goose according to some liberated women. I am not judging anyone here but just trying to understand the reasons.
Yes parents should instill good thinking in their children but have you ever heard of mothers speaking to thei kids about sexual abusement or not giving undue attention to a female body? I doubt anyone would be comfy enough to talk about such things. Yes some houses are going the right-to-knowledge way and telling their kids about what not to do before marriage but are they moral-policing them about the "respect" issue?
I am not sure I want to blame parents totally for what becomes of kids. I know of many people who werent coached by their parents to become decent and who are. How many parents really know what their children are upto outside home - the nitty gritties? I do support the segregation factor.

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