What not to wear

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It was in a hotel room at a foreign location, one cold lonely night, that I understood that I was a complete fashion failure. Yes it was in the month of March with the snow raging outside that I stumbled upon this fact of life when I watched for the first time What not to wear on a channel called TLC in Montreal to which I was addicted, the channel I meant. I discovered that t-shirts and jeans are worn by dorks and flat heeled footwear are worn by….well not worn in fashionable or half the claim circles. These being the staple of my wardrobe I was left feeling ashamed of myself at the end of every single show.
On this show the victim (who is ‘volunteered’ by friends and foe alike because they suddenly realize that they cannot live/work/remain with a dowdy lady anymore) is given 5000 dollars, loads of abuses at current dress sense and a lot of fashion advice and sent out into the big sinful world of shopping to choose her new wardrobe. And ofcourse one cannot run to the nearest flea market or garage sale to dish out new variety and also save some moolah but have to go to the super duper expensive branded shops of New York and spend the entire five grand. And yes like all fairy tales there is a midnight hour even in this one where the victim participant has to bring every last suitcase load of her clothes and watch with tears at all of that goes directly into a trash bin with the hosts (fashion experts) making fun of each piece of garment.
There were visible transformations on every show. T-shirts and jeans transformed into skirts and frocks and tops. Turtlenecks give way to plunging depths. This was the definition of fashion. The fit became the buzzword.
But, I love this show. For all the embarrassment and humiliation the victim faces she comes out tops at the end with 4 fancy dresses, a new hairdo and a makeover in exchange for 40 dresses and grubby looks that she had painstakingly aquired over the years.
I learnt a lot about what kind of cut in clothes suit what kind of body shapes. The only thing am yet to figure out is what kind of a body shape template I fit into. As soon as I get done with that am on the fashion superhighway folks!
My mom always says “Dressing is an art”. And I have always had an aspiration to become perfect in that art. Enroute to fulfilling this desire I discovered accessories and eye liner. I have become adept at picking the jeans that fit me albeit a little loose to give enough room for errr.. changes. I have also discovered colors. And some that suit me. I experiment with different tailors to bestow on me the chic look. I am always waiting for the moment which would magically transform me into a bright eyed, twinkle toed beautiful girl.
Sadly I have also discovered my slouch which makes any dress that I wear look like a sack hung over me. I have a bad hair day everyday except on holidays and that only because I don’t bother to even comb it with the intention of staying put at home. Most times I am asked to go and take bath ten minutes after a refreshing shower. So much for eyeliners! I even tried bullying T to nominate me for this show while we were in Montreal.
To my brazen dismay I have recently discovered that T has a fantastic sense of what I should wear better than me! And to my disbelief his choice compliments me very well! Oh well, one doesn’t have to be perfect in everything. One should only know whom to approach for help.

P.S:- There is a similar series in UK which gets aired in India also and its pathetic compared to its North American counterpart. The hosts are overtly unabashed and the participants have to get into a mirrored cubicle with their bare minimum and withstand the stares and pointed remarks they get from the fashion experts. Ugh! I cant imagine how they can go through with something thats so disgusting. And if you ask my opinion their fashion tips are ludicrous. They transform the ladies from pants to skirts with the same dowdy look.