A quiet giggle behind the hand clamped over mouth. A full
throaty laugh when there were no reprimands. Easy laughter, easy. My earliest
memories in this domain are from the time we moved to Bangalore when I was nearly 10. Back in those
days my brother and I were camped out at our uncle's house. Dinner time brought
the whole family together and with it brought a great deal of entertainment and
physics. The latter deserves a post unto itself. Our cousins were younger to us
and being boys were as boisterous as they could be. I remember that a pout on
my easily offended youngest cousin's (all of 6 years old then) face was enough
to extricate a guffaw from me. I was constantly being inducted to the little
ladies club by my uncle's constant harangue against my giggles. My laughter was
easy and infectious. There were many occasions when my grandma or my mother,
induced by my laughs, would let slip a smile in a stern situation. I could be
made to laugh with the slightest provocation and my brother mostly showed this
off to the world, as would a magician his tricks. All he had to do was say "heeee"
and I would start uncontrollably laughing. As I ploughed through school and
college I have frustrated innumerable friends with my inscrutable smile and yet
I never stopped smiling. When I started working, a colleague had once set me
apart as the one who is always smiling behind her computer screen. Made me
sound like a lunatic in that forum but I knew it was true. I couldn’t get
myself to stop laughing at the hilarious forwards. I have even intimidated with
my smiles, a prowess, unintentional as it were, I have not been proud of.
Recently, my parents came to stay with us for a couple of months and a few days
ago my dad made an observation that shook the ground from under my feet. He said
he doesn’t see me smiling or laughing any more. I realize now that my secret feelings
about V and her dad enjoying life in spite of me were true. I no longer am able
to smile easily let alone laugh. I don’t find a 4 year old's pranks or petty
cranks funny enough to laugh. I can’t defuse a tense situation with laughter
anymore. Oh I can fake a smile and bring out extremely good variations in
photographs. But where is the original giggle gone? Did I lose it as I trudged
through shallow goals? I have seen people all around me become kids around my
darling daughter and I am the only grown up. I have lost the only power I ever
had, growing up, as a superhero.
Today traversing through Twitter I found a cure for my
troubles - face yoga. It gave me a ray of hope and filled me with optimism. I don’t
think my non-smiling behavior is because of an attitudinal change. I think its
because of my cramped muscles. Use-disuse theory in full effect right now. Just
like how my leg muscles cramp up from just sitting my face muscles have cramped
up from just staring at computer screens for 16 hours a day. I have reached the
Web 4.0 equivalent of feelings where my mind produces a virtual smile in its
recesses which ripples through to the computer screen directly without ever
touching my face. HCI is at the core of this breakthrough innovation. Anyhow, I
am relieved that this ailment has a cure too and will now promptly download the
android app which will help me do face yoga every day.
This too shall pass.
I hope I don’t get into the Web 4.0 equivalent of doing face
yoga (computer relaying direct to brain, and only my thoughts performing yoga
and never reaching face) like I have with the rest of me.